It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, [...]

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1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your [...]

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1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my [...]

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The Population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work. 2.8 million are [...]

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of [...]

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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. ‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose [...]

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This was posted to Craigslist and was chosen as one of the “Best of Craigslist” postings. Just read it, it’s hilarious!   Dear Mr. Scammer I owe you a few apologies: • I am sorry for responding and saying sure I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well [...]

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never [...]

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If you’re sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you, try doing this: Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. Remove your laptop. Start it up. Make sure the fellow traveller who is annoying you can see the screen. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move [...]

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If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand [...]

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